Today, I interviewed with nurses from the IMC unit for the nurse manager position. Then 5 directors interviewed me. It was intense.

Before the interview I met with the chaplain and we prayed, she prayed for me. For strength and calmness, and for the words I needed to say. Thank you God for her to take the time to do that for me.

I had 3 days to prepare. I wrote answer to questions, I studied leadership so hard. I was so scared and nervous. I didn’t sleep for several nights. The chaplain told me that fear is real when something is meaningful and right. That Satan instills fear to discourage us from doing what we were called to do. That makes sense. I faced my fear and got through with God’s guidance. I truly felt he was there with me, helping me.

I feel pretty good about the interview except for one major mistake. When the nursing director asked me what one organization value I thought was most important for this position. I went on to tell him that I serve God, so therefore I serve others and I think servanthood is most important. …

well….that’s not one of the values. They are caring, competent, collaborative, and innovative. I should have clarified that servanthood encompasses all the values… but I missed it. I hope that doesn’t matter. I hope that he doesn’t realize I couldn’t even think of the actual organizations values. I failed there.

Now I have to wait… I keep reflecting on everything I said. Was it good enough? Do they believe in me? I felt like I was on Shark Tank trying to sell myself and convince them I was worth investing in.

If they do offer me the job, it’s going to be hard. If they don’t, it’s going to be hard too. I didn’t tell too many people because if I don’t get it, I don’t want to be seen as a failure.

But even if I don’t get it, I’m not going to quit doing what I’m doing. I’m still going to be a leader for my ICU team. I still have a good job, and someday, I will try again.

If it’s God’s will and plan for me, then it will be. I pray it is.