Lost and defeated

For someone to be so smart and once motivated, I cannot seem to overcome my own issues. What person can achieve 2 master’s degrees, get straight A’s, while working 2 jobs full time, be so lost and defeated 8 months later? I don’t have any ambition or direction anymore. It’s a challenge just to go to work and do my job. I can’t seem to find joy anymore.

I am grateful that I have a job and am blessed to have decent health and many other things. I bought a new house, I have money in the bank, I have no debt. They say that gratitude can help you be more joyful, but it’s not working for me.

I just know I’m not where I want to be and I’m not who I should be. But I don’t know where I want to go or who I want to be.

Things that mattered before, don’t seem to matter anymore. Things like my health, fitness, diet, friends, family, work, and wanting to be a high achiever.

What has happened to me? and how can I get back to that person I used to be 5 years ago when I started this blog?

I know many answers, I mean I have 2 master’s degrees. I just don’t understand the problem when it’s with myself.

I pray but I think God is far and discouraged by me. I am just apologizing to him constantly for not being better.

I would talk to a counselor but wouldn’t know where to start. He’d probably just tell me to get off my pity pot and get over myself. That’s what my husband tells me.

Maybe he’s right!

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